These sales reports are a week old, what gives?! Who should I fire?
Don’t fire anyone. It’s so cold right now they might think that you’re doing them a favour by igniting them.
Why do publishing houses still spend the majority of their marketing budget advertising books in print (Globe & Mail, transit et al) when many customers today are discovering books online? Yet when a proposal comes in, an author is judged on the number of followers/fans to promote their book!
Why do you hate freedom?
The company I work for can’t afford to give me a pay raise right now. What other kinds of compensation can I ask for?
Maybe if your boss(es) would stop taking those three-martini lunches, they’d throw you a bone. Unless you’re the boss, in which case I’d say drink the pain away.
Do the Rights Factory staff get to eat those tasty-looking lunches KK is always posting photos of on Twitter?
The Rights Factory is not a soup kitchen. KK gotta get pay(ed). Also, books! And uh, DRM isn’t killing piracy, piracy is killing piracy! Epub is the best format for ebooks! Uh, higher advances for everyone!
How short is too short for a skirt in a publishing meeting?
Not short enough. Oh wait, you said skirts. I thought you meant meetings.
penguin house: publishing lawyers need love too! right?
Well, if you price love at more than $400 an hour, then it becomes just a nice to have.
My publishing assistant is tweeting about fifty shades of grey, is that an acceptable reason to fire someone? Bad taste?
No, bad taste is when you peel the cover from the book block and lick the binding to see if the glue really is made from horsies.
Do you ever wish the "word on the street" festival was renamed "sweet awesome shit on the street"
I kind of wish Word on the Street had more dunking tanks. But that’s just me, and my inexplicable vendetta against some people.
Should I hire freelancers to write some positive reviews about my self-published book?
Why hire them to write about your book when you can hire them to buy your book? That way, royalties are guaranteed!
I always believed that publishing circles would be chock full of well-read, hip, intelligent, sensitive, and handsome gentlemen. But when I recently met a few publishing dudes, they were insufferable nerds. What gives?
You just haven’t met me yet. *curls forty pounds as he types with the other hand* And please don’t Google me, I’m much handsomer, hipper, smarter and well read in person, and all that stuff about the dolphin is just a rumour started by some haters.