The company I work for can’t afford to give me a pay raise right now. What other kinds of compensation can I ask for?
Maybe if your boss(es) would stop taking those three-martini lunches, they’d throw you a bone. Unless you’re the boss, in which case I’d say drink the pain away.
Do the Rights Factory staff get to eat those tasty-looking lunches KK is always posting photos of on Twitter?
The Rights Factory is not a soup kitchen. KK gotta get pay(ed). Also, books! And uh, DRM isn’t killing piracy, piracy is killing piracy! Epub is the best format for ebooks! Uh, higher advances for everyone!
How short is too short for a skirt in a publishing meeting?
Not short enough. Oh wait, you said skirts. I thought you meant meetings.
penguin house: publishing lawyers need love too! right?
Well, if you price love at more than $400 an hour, then it becomes just a nice to have.
My publishing assistant is tweeting about fifty shades of grey, is that an acceptable reason to fire someone? Bad taste?
No, bad taste is when you peel the cover from the book block and lick the binding to see if the glue really is made from horsies.
Do you ever wish the "word on the street" festival was renamed "sweet awesome shit on the street"
I kind of wish Word on the Street had more dunking tanks. But that’s just me, and my inexplicable vendetta against some people.
Should I hire freelancers to write some positive reviews about my self-published book?
Why hire them to write about your book when you can hire them to buy your book? That way, royalties are guaranteed!
I always believed that publishing circles would be chock full of well-read, hip, intelligent, sensitive, and handsome gentlemen. But when I recently met a few publishing dudes, they were insufferable nerds. What gives?
You just haven’t met me yet. *curls forty pounds as he types with the other hand* And please don’t Google me, I’m much handsomer, hipper, smarter and well read in person, and all that stuff about the dolphin is just a rumour started by some haters.
What do you do if you have a foreign rights advance that's the publishing house isn't paying - even though they've already published the book?
You fly over to the publisher’s country. You buy a case of beer. You drink the beer. That should give you enough balls to go to the gas station to fill the bottles with gasoline. Then you rip up your one remaining shirt and shove them in the bottles. And hurl them at the publisher’s office. I think that should send a message.
Me and a few 'friends' are spending the weekend 'tanning' at an exclusive island resort in Temagami in August. I think you know what I'm trying to say. Anyway, I remembered that you're a big watermelon guy and that you had a recipe for vodka and a whole watermelon that you had mentioned one night when we were smoking on the balcony over at W's place. Will you please share your Vodka and a Whole Watermelon recipe with us and maybe even a funny story about watermelons? Many thanks.
I am judging you for all of this. Judging gaze on. Can you feel it? Can you feel the smoulder? (cut hole open, shove bottle in.) To make this publishing-related: